# 1: Tongue Scraper
Did you know that bad breath is mostly caused by the bacteria that live on your tongue? Awesome, isn't it? No amount of tooth-cleaning eliminates bad breath. And when you work in a profession that involves close and personal contact with other humans, you want to make sure there is no bad smell. You need a tongue scraper.
And before you tell me that you brush your tongue, I'm here to tell you no. It's not the same thing. Trust me. The amount of gunk that your tongue scraper will take out of your tongue is crazy.
Professional tip: Brushing, flossing and using a tongue scraper in close proximity to confinement can increase the risk of STDs (think small cuts from brushing or flossing and then mixing of other body fluids in your mouth ... if you are not offering sex Oral sex without a condom, so you don't have to worry about this.) To stay as safe as possible, try not to engage in a complete dental hygiene routine right before you see the client. I brush my teeth morning and evening and then use mouthwash before I see a client.
# 2: Boric acid muffins
I've heard about every treatment for thrush from tea tree oil to coconut oil to sticking garlic cloves in there. For God's love, vagina owners, please stop sticking kitchen products into your vagina. Just because it's natural, it doesn't mean it's good (quick news: sharks are normal, and I don't want one in my vagina).
In any case. I have a thin vagina that contracts thrush as soon as I say the word. After months of continuous use of antifungal cream to no avail, my doctor introduced me to boric acid. It works by preventing the growth of Candida fungi. Because I am very prone to thrush, my doctor recommended using the secretions any time my vagina feels "off" (you know, there are a few secretions that differ from normal or this slightly uncomfortable feeling). I'll be putting one in at night (you have to be a little careful as it can cause quite liquid secretions, so I wear a sleep liner if I use boric acid). And when I wake up, I'm as good as new! Now I hardly get thrush, and it's a miracle for me.
It's hard to find in Australia, but you can order it online (make sure you get medicinal boric acid that was produced in a sterile environment, rather than the things they use to kill cockroaches) or make it in a corresponding compound.
A very important side note: Please consult your GP before using boric acid pancakes, especially if you have persistent problems with thrush or bacterial vaginosis. Do not place random objects in your vagina as "treatments" without consulting a specialist (I am looking at you, whoever placed a garlic clove in the vagina).
Professional tip: boric acid may degrade the condom, thus reducing its effectiveness. Try not to use boric acid the night before booking. If it must, be sure to "scoop" the splint as much as possible with your fingers before attaching, and be aware of the risks you are taking.
#3 HAEMORRHOID CREAM
Have you ever had a tiny tear on your genitals? Maybe it’s caused from too much friction or a poorly manicured fingernail, or it’s just popped up overnight for no rhyme or reason? And it STINGS, man does it STING. Or maybe it’s not even a tear, it’s just an area that is SORE.
This is EXACTLY what you need haemorrhoid cream for. Seriously.
My gynaecologist introduced me to Retinol a few years back. I had been working a lot, and I had an internal spot on my vaginal that would get sore. At first, it was an abrasion caused by an idiot client that was way too rough. But even once the abrasion had healed it HURT. If I did one too many bookings it would STING and mean I couldn’t work for weeks. Of course, ideally, I just wouldn’t work until it was no longer sore. But I live in the real world, and I needed to work, so my gyno came up with haemorrhoid cream as a solution, and I’ve been using it for niggles and pains ever since.
How does it work? It has a slight numbing agent in it, so makes it bearable (and takes away that sting when you go to the toilet). Vaginal abrasions are like paper cuts – they can be tiny but man, can they hurt. So, the cream will numb and soothe, and you’ll be able to do a booking, should you need to.
BUT you should be aware that the cream contains oil, so it will degrade condoms and make them less effective (are you sick of me saying this yet?) If I use Retinol prior to a booking I will apply it, let it sit for ~20 mins, then thoroughly rinse it away with water (no soap, because soap and vaginas don’t mix). Be aware of the risk you are taking if you do this, along with the increased STI risk that comes with working with any kind of skin abrasion.
